Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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