you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
