this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We need to rekindle our bromance
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
