cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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