just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
