she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
