Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
