Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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