I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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