hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
