i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
