Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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