He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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