did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
