two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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