I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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