Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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