So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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