i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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