i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
