At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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