he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
