hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
