NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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