Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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