I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
