I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
