im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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