sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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