At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
