I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I want you more than these girls want KFC
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
