the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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