Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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