If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
