Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
