We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
