omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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