I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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