why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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