Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
