11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize