he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
