The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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