I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
