A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
