You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
