I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
