omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
