I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
