Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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