The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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