dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
