I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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