somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
