I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
