Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm too high and old for this...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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