I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Randomize
