Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He felt like a one man threesome
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
