Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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