everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize