planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
