i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
