not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
