im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
