Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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