apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
