I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
