My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
