She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
